Winter Melody

It's sneaking up on me. Winter. Christmas. I pretend to others that I'm annoyed. Oh yes. Winter. Ugh. Christams. So busy in town. So busy in the supermarket. Not enough time. Lots of baking to do. Lots of card writing to do. Did I say "not enough time"? Yes. Not enough time to get everything done.
Honestly though? I love it. I love, love it. Even in the midst of heartache watching my parents dealing with cancer and such ill health. Even in the midst of that sadness, I see joy, hope and peace. Comfort. All those things that should be around this time of year. All those things that should represent Christmas. As a family we're all looking forward to being together. So yes, I do love this time of year. I loved wandering round my parent's garden last week and seeing the little signs of Winter. It's so special. Even the cold weather. Even the dark skies. Even when the evenings draw in at 3 in the afternoon. I love it. The run up to Christmas is so special. The music on the radio and tv. The Christmas movies. Oh and I love the carols. Beautiful Christmas carols. And food. Oh yes. Christmas baking. Pudding. Cake. Cookies. And of course, Christmas gift buying or making. I love wrapping up presents. And writing cards. Did I mention Christmas movies? Oh yes. It starts now. And I'm not going to be at all phased by any Ebeneezer Scrooge's that may come across my path!

Garden of England

Moments from the past week or so when we managed to get out and about for a drive. It was breathtaking and inspirational. It fed our creative souls and reminded us of how blessed we are to live in the Garden of England. These photos don't do it justice. It's a small glimmer of the beauty that surrounds us.





Today I spent time with my sister at my parents home. We cleaned, sorted out and got the Christmas decs down from the loft for Mum. My parents are in great need of help at the moment due to ill health. Dad's recovering from major surgery and Mum's just not well. They're in their late 60's and have always been so fit and healthy. It's been such a shock to our family to suddenly have to deal with cancer.

However, I felt so happy to help them today. Nothing much really but it was big for them. They've always been "there" for us all and are the best parents in the world! ha! So it was nothing to spend time cleaning and generally helping where we could...!

I came home and then cleaned my own home right through. This evening I feel happy and contented to have achieved so much in one day. Although I have a sense of change and sadness within me. My parents aren't invincible. They're vulnerable suddenly. How did that happen? And when did it happen? More than ever before, family feels so important to me. And we've always been a close family.

I've always believed in "living in the moment"; cherishing those you love; spending time with loved ones. But never before have I felt it so keenly as now. There's almost an urgency in my soul. I have to prayerfully do what I can and be who I'm supposed to be in this family. For my children. My parents. My brother and sister. My nieces and nephew. My precious granddaughter and my one true love, my beloved husband.

Digital Endeavours

At last I finished another digital fabric pack. Autumn Walk. Inspired by the stunning colours of Autumn of course.I've been making these little packs for a while now and sell them at Daz3D. They're packs of seamless jpg files with matching embellishments. Very versatile and have many uses including texturing 3d models, website design, scrapbooking, card making, etc.. the list goes on really. Print or computer projects. I create them in varying colour schemes and themes.

In my other little creative world, I'm a 3d texture artist and work for my husband. I initially created my fabric packs through the need for something different to use for texturing. I realised that other texture artists might find them useful and so I started to make the packs. What I love the most is the process of coming up with a colour scheme or theme. And then seeing everything all packaged up and ready to upload to the store. Yay! Very satisfying.
This particular pack has been in the making for a while now. They usually take about 5 days or so to create but for some reason, I kept putting this set on the back burner. I had a complete loss of inspiration half way through and had to just walk away. Part of it is because of our recent move and everything I've been going through emotionally and spiritually. Looking for healing. And then suddenly over the last two days I picked it up again and finished it. Not only that, I immediately started two Christmas themed ones! Yay!

Today is a good day. My muse is returning. Slowly. But ever so surely.

Without Fear

Following on from yesterday's post, I wanted to share some more thoughts. Inspired by some interesting art healing passages in a book I bought recently called "Taking Flight" by Kelly Rae Roberts, I came up with a list of things I'd do if I wasn't afraid. There's obviously so many other things I'd do but this is specifically in relation to my creative endeavours and my recent need to create. To draw and paint. To make things.

I don't know why, at this point in my life, that I have a such a strong desire to do create. Now of all times. In my middle age. I've been through an awful lot over the past years from seeing my brother being convicted of a crime he didn't commit, the break up of my 20 yr marriage after my husband told me he wanted to be a woman and then more recently my beloved Dad getting cancer.

Oh and I recently re-married after meeting the true love of my life (who happens to be a professional artist! Whoohoo!). Some of these intense emotions have triggered needs in me that were buried deep. Suffocated. Hidden. Healing is there. It's happening. Slowly. Freedom of my spirit and soul is coming. I can feel it.

I'm wondering if the need to be so creative has always been there. As a child, I watched both my parents create.
My father's an artist and loved sketching as well as painting with his oils. My mother used to make things for my dolls and Sindy. New home. Beds. Clothes. Anything. I loved sitting at the table with her making things. I can still smell the paints and glue. Mum's also a published poetess. It's there. I know it. My grandmother also played a huge part in my childhood and taught me how to knit and crochet and to cook. All so very creative and so lovingly taught.

And so onto my list of things I'd do if I wasn't afraid:

• I'd draw and paint with abandon
• draw and paint with no thought of the end result
• I'd create for the sake of creating
• for the creative process
• I want to draw, paint and create without any thought that it won't be good enough
• that I won't be accepted; that my art/creations won't be accepted (not sure by who or what!)
• I'd draw, paint, create just because that's what I want to do at that particular time
• I want to be able to create without any thoughts of whether or not it's "saleable"

I now need to move out those tent pegs and start creating without those fears. Today is the day. Now is the time. Slowly but surely I'll make inroads to making those creative dreams a reality. My heart's desire. I'm going to make the above list a list of goals.. dreams.. achievable.. workable..and without fear.

Thinking Out Loud

At what point in my life did I first think that I'm not good enough? That I don't deserve to be happy or blessed? When did I get so insecure? I can't work out when it was that I got such a low self esteem and so fearful. That other people around me are better than me. Prettier. Thinner. Talented. Funnier. Sweeter.

I'm getting so tired of feeling this bad and I need it to stop now. I'm almost 45yrs old. This is the happiest I've ever been in my life so why are these demons still chasing me and clinging hold of me? I've decided that each day I'm going to fight them. Each day I'm going claim victory. I'm taking back my soul, my spirit, my self worth and confidence. I'm going to do all the things that I've dreamed about. I'm going to work so hard to stop the self loathing and self doubt. I'm going to enjoy the blessings in my life and pray through and work through the floods and fire that will come. I'm not going to drown and I'm not going to get burned.

Today is a new day.

Pretty New Things

Desperately needed a new chair for my craft room. Also needed a couple new craft items. Don't you just love getting new packages in the post? Love it. Hmmm that sounds a tad shallow. Sorry. Don't mean to be. Just one of the simple pleasures in my life. Pretty new things.

Chair from Ikea and new craft odds and ends from a lovely little online store called "The Altered Element".

Bonfire Night

"Remember, Remember the Fifth of November,

Gunpowder, Treason and Plot.."

We just had a wonderful weekend celebrating Bonfire Night with the kids and our granddaughter. Such a special time. Lots of fun, laughter, fireworks and food!

It was our first social gathering since we moved in a month ago, and, although it's a difficult time as my Dad slowly recovers from major surgery for his bowel cancer, it was truly great for us all to relax and have some fun. And I know that's what my parents wanted for us all.

Even though high winds and rain had been forecast, it stayed away long enough for us to enjoy the fireworks and sparklers. Such fun!

Moving out the Tent Pegs

A new day. November. It's been dark, grey and rainy out the past few days. Autumn has well and truly arrived. Chilly mornings. Short days. Nights drawing in. The smell of smoke from all the chimneys around. It's beautiful. Enchanting and magical to me. I know Christmas is hiding behind the corner and will jump out any day now. I know that all the signs are there for me to start my Christmas preparations so I'm ready.

I'm making progress on my new daily routine. My determination not to procrastinate. Well, not to procrastinate as much as I was before. Slowly making progress. I'm getting more done in spite of the emotional upheaval I'm going through at the moment. My emotions are so raw with one thing and another. And yet I do feel a deep down sense of Peace. Peace that everything is ok. Everything will be ok. What's happening is happening and I need to just pray through it. Keep my head above the water.

I'm working on a cloth and clay doll through doing a workshop by Jane DeRosier. I love being creative and taking this workshop has really helped me to get re-focused creatively. It helps. Creative expression. Working through emotions by creating. It's a good thing. I love learning something new. Stretching out the tent pegs. Moving out of my comfort zone. Challenging but rewarding. Oh and it's so nice to have a room of my own. A little space I can call my own and not have to tidy it all away. Using the dining room table was fine before. It worked. It was ok. But doesn't compare to having a whole room for art and crafts albeit a small room! ha!