I am a Christian

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost!
That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble
-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed
and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion
asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible
but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache
which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I do not wish to judge
I have no authority
--I only know I'm loved

by Carol Wimmer

Friday Ramblings II

Friday? Really? But what happened to this week? Where'd it go? I've been busy. Spent all day Wednesday with my sister, her kids and my daughter. Great day. Nice lunch. Got some sun. It was just one of those wonderfully relaxing days.

And then on Thursday I went shopping with my hubby. He bought me a new sewing machine. Yay! At last I can do some sewing and more fabric crafting. My old sewing machine died a couple of years ago and I never managed to get a new one. I also bought some new paints, scrapbook paper, ribbons and odds and ends for crafting. We had a nice lunch while out. Another wonderful day.

I'm truly blessed. I really am. I've been through so much emotional pain but I know God's been there for me even when I've been angry and felt like I'd been abandoned. And my kids are still suffering and have alot to deal with over the next year or so as my ex-husband decides to go through the various processes to become a woman. Ugh!

But in spite of that, I know as a family we are blessed. And we're going to choose to focus on the positive. God's blessed me with my a new husband. He's everything I ever dreamed about as a little girl of how a husband should be. He is my knight in shining armour. He's my best friend. Ever. I love my life. It's idyllic. No it's not perfect. I still have bad days. Days of utter distress from my past. But those days are getting less. I know I'm a stronger person. I'm working on being more confident. Finding real purpose. Being the woman God designed me to be.

So today I'm going to finish cleaning the flat. I love cleaning our home. Such pleasure in that. Honestly. And then this afternoon I'm going to paint and get creative with my new sewing machine. Yay!
x

Tuesday Thoughts

• finishing some custom work
• sit in the sunshine
• iPod
• new books to read
• painting to do
• lunch with my sister tomorrow
• Steve's cooking dinner
• working on my website
• holiday to Cornwall

Monday Musings

Woke up at 6am. Fantastic. Get so much done when you get up early. I love it. The sun's shining. There's a cool breeze in the air. By 10am, I'd done breakfast, cleared up, done the dishes, generally cleaned and tidied the flat. Made some crucial updates on my website and oh so much more. I had a quiet time. Prayer time. Wonderful. Thinking about my life. Life in general. Things that need doing today.

Oh and I got a beautiful little gift from my mum this weekend. A wall hanging. Just a "thinking of you, I love you" kinda gift. And it's beautiful. I've hung up in my hall.


I'm going to go out for a walk later and spend the afternoon painting. Crafting. Being creative.

Happy Monday! x

Enchanted Weekend

It was a Jorja weekend. The best. Our granddaughter. Jorja Ruth. She's a riot. So funny. Sweet natured. Smart. So smart.
We had the joy of her spending the night Friday and then took her out for the day on Saturday. We went to a little local park where there were white fallow deer, a pond with ducks, geese, chickens.There were also goats and we watched a great falconry display where Jorja promptly clapped everytime one of the birds flew back to it's trainer. It was just delightful. There's also a lovely enchanted walk through the woods which included seeing a dragon as well as giant toadstools.We then went to my parents where Jorja played so happily with my sister's little girl. Mum and Dad got them a couple of buckets of water and they just sat pouring away oblivious to all around them. It was a lovely relaxing day all told. And then as we were driving home after dropping Jorja off, I got a phone call letting me know that Jorja's going to have a little brother or sister. Perfect end to the day. We're going to be grandparents again!

Sunday we went to Ashford to see Jen. Went shopping and she got a fab wardrobe and stuff for her room and I managed to get a new handbag. At last. Been trying to get one for a while now. Knew what I wanted. Just waiting for the right time and place to get it. Yesterday was it. Oh and hubby got me some new headphones. I think secretly he was fed up with me borrowing his all the time! ha!

And then last night as I was standing at the sink tidying up the kitchen, I saw the sun going down and the light was just beautiful outside. The roses on the back fence where we live looked so pretty. Of course I had to just get out there and take some photos. Yep. Great weekend.

Summer Perils

Inevitably with Summer sunshine and breezes come high pollen counts. For me, that means misery. I've had hay fever and various other allergies since I was 5 yrs old. I'm used to it. Although many years ago, after a whole load of tests at St. Mary's hospital, I was told I may grow out of it in my early twenties. I'm in my early forties *cough cough* and still no sign of growing out of it. It isn't as bad as it sometimes used to get when I was younger. It's nevertheless miserable.

And so I've been suffering somewhat the past couple of days. Drugged up to the eyeballs, I did venture out this afternoon for a very impromptu lunch with my hubby. It was wonderful. Just one of those spur of the moment kinda things. After a wonderful 3-course meal, we took a lovely walk to the beach and sat on our fave bench just enjoying the warm sunshine, gentle sea breezes and chatting about work, us and our upcoming holiday.

It was a welcome break. I was feeling uninspired, frustrated and generally rotten. He sensed it and knew exactly what to do. We came home both feeling more inspired for our work and just generally refreshed and happy! Sometimes you just have to stand up, move away from the computer and do something spontaneous!
x

Surely Not One Week

Can't believe it's a whole week since I last posted. Ugh! Doesn't seem possible. Alas, 'tis true and I have to accept that it was a busy week and didn't leave me much time for my daily ramblings. As such, be prepared, this post may well be a really longggg one.

First of all, I went into the garden this morning and couldn't believe how pretty the roses are looking. I'm loving these very pale yellows and pinks.And this was my garden last week after some summer rain. Just the odd shower. Perfect for the "hydrate" word for the HS|MS photo blog today.
Sunshine and showers is the predominant weather at the moment. Although the showers are kind and hold off until after sun down. The days are long and full of pretty white fluffy clouds that let the sun peak through every now and then. I love it. Not too hot, not too cold. I like to feel the warm sunshine on my face when I'm out. It just makes me feel happy. I don't like to think of the sun has cancer causing ugh! The sun is happy. The sun is life giving. Most of the past week was spent between working, baking and painting.
My twins just celebrated their 21st birthday. Perfect excuse to cook some cupcakes. Yum! And they were really good.
They all disappeared very fast. I got the recipe from allrecipes.com. Love, love that website. Get loads of great recipes from there. Not that I often cook or bake these days but when I need to do something different or want a new take on an old recipe, it's definitely one of the best websites for recipes.

We had a super lovely day at my parents to celebrate the twins birthday. All of my kids were there which is rare these days as they are scattered about the south-east and have reasonably busy lives.

It was a beautiful sunny day and everyone seemed to have a fun, relaxing afternoon. Coral and Jorja were utter delights as always. My niece and granddaughter. Just 6 months between them and they just toddle around Mum's garden. Playing with each other.
Sometimes ignoring each other. Looking at the wonders a Summer garden contains. They love all the little figurines scattered in the flower beds. Like finding fairies in the garden. Just a joy beyond words to watch.

Yesterday I spent the day with my daughter-in-law and granddaughter. Of course, I totally spoiled little Jorgy. Got her some little bits and pieces she utterly loves as well as a nice little camping chair and parasol for when they go away later in the Summer. I can't say enough how proud I am of my son and his wife. I couldn't ask for better parents for my granddaughter. They're so wonderful with her. Her mum is just extraordinary considering she's so young.
She's a lovely little mum and is so practical as well as loving with Jorja. It's a real joy to watch them together.

So the rest of the week, I'm going to catch up with some work. Going to clean the flat this afternoon. Go for a long walk and maybe sit in the sun for a little while. And hopefully get some painting done in the next few days.

Sunshine and Surprises

At last, it seems we have more sunshine and it feels like Summer's arrived on a nice warm breeze. So warm that we've had to have the fan on in the office. Yay! I love it. Warm sunshine. I guess I must be an all Seasons kinda gal. I love each season as it arrives. And Summer really feels like it's here.

And I got a wonderful surprise on my desk this morning. My sweet hubby bought me a book "19th Century Fashion in Detail". And I gotta tell you, it's utterly lush. The photos are simply stunning and it's a perfect reference for my texturing work. Incredible details as well as interesting facts about the history of costume in that era. I now want to get the other books in that series.

Oh and as if that wasn't enough, he's also booked us a week away in Cornwall. My childhood home. Where I grew up. I haven't been there for years and I'm so looking forward to it. Can't wait. It's a world away from the rest of England. I love Cornwall. We've got so much planned for the week including going to St. Ives to be in the middle of the hubbub of a fantastic art community. Oh and St. Michael's Mount at Marazion. And much more.

Remember that rose I took a photo of, just coming into bloom? Look at it now. So beautiful. I love this soft colour. In just a day, it's come into full bloom. Isn't nature wonderful?!

Unexpected

Jenni decided to come and spend the night. It was unexpected and so wonderful to see her. Our car's off the road and I'm beginning to really miss the kids and Jorja so Jenni coming to stay was wonderful. We had a quiet night in watching silly tv and chatting. We all slept in this morning. Ugh! I mean we really slept in. It was like we all had sleeping sickness. I was shocked to look at the clock and see that it was gone midday. How did that happen? Of course, I've been so poorly so my body's catching up. Steve's been working long hours and so he was catching up on sleep and Jen's been poorly too with a rotten cold.

Jen and I then went out to Westwood X shopping mall. We wandered round and she bought some jeans. It was nice. Quality mother daughter time. I love it. We then had a nice lunch at Frankie and Benny's. Love that place. Love the nostalgic music. Fantastic.

And so back home. Jen's just left. It was a quick, fleeting visit but a wonderful one. Next week it's her birthday. Her and her twin brother will be 21yrs. Ugh! Where did that time go? So I want to make it special. I'm going to do a lot of baking this coming week. Cup cakes. Yummy. And nice things. That's all I'm going to say because I know a certain someone reads my blog.

So now, I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon painting. Drawing and painting. My sanctuary. My peace. My place of tranquility is when I paint. I get lost in it.

Happy Saturday people!
x

Summer Rain

It's been raining almost every day this past week. Light showers. Heavy showers. Steady misty rain. Drizzle. All kinds of rain. It's warm and humid though. Summer rain. It doesn't bother me. I quite like it. I've been out a couple of times in it. The air smells sweet. Fresh cut grass. Flowers and blossoms blooming all around. It's so pretty. And the colours seem to come alive in nature after rainfall. Bright greens. Lush. Of course, it's also good for us hay fever sufferers. Keeps the pollen count down.

Today it's a fine misty rain. And it looks set to be here for the day. So I'm going to Spring clean our flat. Do my once a week deep clean. I love to have everything clean and tidy. I work better for some reason when everything's clean and tidy. I do leave it for a while and then I realise I get restless and grouchy. It bothers me for a day or 2 and then I have to tidy up and clean. Ha! Easier of course now my nest is empty. Although I actually didn't mind the untidiness when they were little. Toys, books and clothes scattered every where. I digress.So once the flat's all tidy and clean, I'm going to paint. Sort out my craft stash. Play with buttons. Design some clothes for doll making. Yep. I want to try and make some little cloth and clothepin dolls. I'm trying to get in Christmas present mode. We plan to create handmade presents this year!

Happy Friday everyone
x

Virus and Paint

So I've had this virus for the past week or so. Gotta couple new symptoms just when I thought I was getting better, a few red spots like a rash have appeared and I feel so wiped out. Physically drained and like I've been drugged.

Oh well. Moving on. I wanted to share some things I've been doing lately. Mixed media art. Pushing around real paint instead of pixels. Get my hands messy. Cutting pretty paper and gluing and alsorts of wonderful creative fun. These are just glimpses. Mainly "works in progress".

My little makeshift studio - ha - it's the dining room table and a nice Ikea freestanding kitchen unit. It works for me. Is my little space. I've got a great storage unit in my office (where Steve and I work) for all my art supplies so it's easy to clear away and get a nice dining room table back if we have visitors etc..
It really is mixed media. I'm using a combination of acrylic paints, watercolour crayons, graphite pencils, oil pastels and even 3d character software. I'll share more about that in another post. I've been using 3d character design software in my digital art for a long time now and was thrilled to be able to use it as a reference in my trad art pieces. It's interesting stuff. I need to sort out doing a "start to finish" so you can see what I mean.Finally, I've not been taking part in the daily photo challenge at Her Space | My Space as regularly as normal due to not being well. So I thought I'd chek it out today and the word is "Lumpy". Here's a photo of my paint palette - it's lumpy as anything.

Oh yeah, one more thing, look at this lovely little snowglobe. My son bought it for me when he was on holiday at Disney in Orlando recently. It's just a perfect little gift. I love Disney, snowglobes and art. I collect snowglobes. Isn't it a perfect combination of those things! How cool is that?!
Hope you all have a fantastic Tuesday
x

Rambling Thoughts & Reflections

Ok, so I've been unwell this past week or so. Nothing major but enough to make me feel bleh and not want to do anything other than nurse an extremely sore throat, rasping cough. Oh and an interesting rash all over. I think it's a virus. Funny that the rash came out now as I'm feeling better. Hey ho!

So yeah. During this time feeling unwell, I've been thinking a lot about my website and efforts to create and sell digital scrapbooking products. Bascially, I don't want to do it anymore. I love the creative process. That's what I do but I can't sell. I'm too average. My work isn't unique enough to jump out and sell well. I'm not putting myself down. I've got good execution. Whatever I create, I create well. I'm good at what I do. I know how to push pixels and push them well. But I can't sell. It's a combination of that (not unique enough) and not being able to agressively market myself in an extraordinarily competitive marketplace.

And so I've made the decision to pull my website store. I'm going to leave the freebies in place and probably add to them as I do love the creative process. And I know there's a lot of women who are wanting to get into digital scrapbooking and have valued my freebies and tutorials. But I just don't have the heart for selling any more. And I'm sick of looking at my products and so I'm going to revamp the website and step to one side.

It's not just about digital scrapbooking. When I think about it, it's applicable to anything I've created over the past 10 yrs or so. It's definitely that I'm not a career woman. I'm not ambitious. I'm a simple housewife completely happy in my world of wanting to be just that - a housewife. To have a traditional role. I don't know why I'm not career minded or ambitious. I'm just not. I earn a living by creating digital art products with my husband and that's enough for me. I love to support him in any way that I can including working with him. I don't want to run my own store or business. I think that's why I love doing custom work more. It's very specific and works for me.

I love being creative. I'm happy just having my hobbies and selling the odd thing I create. It's not a big issue. I sat with my wonderful hubby yesterday and we had a long talk about it. I cried. Cried because I feel that I have somehow failed. That I should be more ambitious and want to be more successful. I'm fortunate enough the my husband is the main provider. He earns enough that I don't have to work. It's just that since my children left home and I have an empty nest, I somehow feel that I should now get all ambitious and be career minded. Get out there. Sell my skills. Be more aggressive and promote my store. I just can't. And that's that really. And so I need to just embrace who I am and know that it's enough.

I just want to get back to having an online presence of me and my art. Nothing major. Not a store. I feel that it's the right time now to do this. To stop trying to be something I'm not. To be true to myself and move forward. To create what's in my heart instead of what I think "everyone" wants to see. I've had a pretty rough few years and it's taken this past 2 yrs to really start to emotionally heal. I kept so much hidden. For so many years. So much emotional pain from my first marriage. And now I'm re-married and so very happy, I have to start looking towards the now and the future. Live in the moment. I know I'm truly blessed. And now I'm finally getting to a place of seeing the true "Diane". Me. The person God wants me to be. My own trueself.