In the Moment

In no particular order, I'm

• looking forward to getting my eyes tested this week
• loving my family and feeling so blessed by them
• dreaming big 
  
• going to be writing lists for Christmas shopping
• excited about having my 2 yr old granddaughter staying next weekend
• totally, utterly and so very completely in love with my husband
• moving forward
  
• going to paint a robin this week
• hoping my blinds will arrive soon
• creatively flying high
• praying for the health of my family
• happy
• wanting more art supplies
• letting go
• believing in miracles
• loving Yankee Candles frosted pumpkin
• hoping for some dark, grey days this week
• going to curl up and read good book (if there are some dark, grey days this week)
• still wondering what on earth happened to my camera? where could it have gone?
• looking forward to this new week with much joie de vivre

Remember, Remember 5th November

Remember, remember the fifth of November

Gunpowder, treason and plot

I see no reason why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot

Home Being Me

It's where I'm happiest. At home. Family. I'm slowly beginning to accept that it's ok to be like this. To be a homemaker. It's ok to love being home. Society tells me that I'm not busy enough. That I should be out working towards a career. Or working. Full stop. Society tells me that I don't have enough friends. More friends. More coffees and chats. Nope. I don't have that in my life and I'm happy. I'm happy being a wife and homemaker. I'm happy being mum to my kids. I'm happy being grandmother. There is no greater joy for me. It's really quite simple.

I'm in a new season. I have been for a while now but fighting to stay in the old season. Only because I felt that's what I should be doing. I'm well aware that one of my character "flaws" is being a "people pleaser". I fear what other people will think. And as such, I know I've made some really silly choices over the years. Putting other people's opinions above my own. Thinking of how people will judge me and making decisions accordingly. Ugh! I think I was scared of the empty nest. People will be expecting me to go out to work now. Pursue a career, maybe?

I'm learning to not worry about what others think. That my choices in life are about me and my family. My absolute nearest and dearest. I know part of the problem for me is that I'm quite a sensitive and caring person. I do care what people think. I can be over sensitive about things for sure. Its time for me now to turn this all around and be balanced about it. Accept that its ok to want and desire being at home. Its ok that I'm not a career woman. That even with an empty nest now, I would still rather be a homemaker than pursuing a career.

I've worried that I was somehow "missing" something. That I didn't have any "get up and go". That I didn't have my father's business acumen. I tried. I thought I could do it but I couldn't. I remember a time when my first husband and I swapped "roles". I went out to work and he stayed home with the children. I was so unhappy. I tried to hide it and be "business like". Career minded. But no. I wanted to be home. It's a choice.

And I'm absolutely well aware of how blessed I am that I don't have to financially go out to work. Of course, that's a choice too. I could go out and make much more money for us. I get that. But I know it's not me. And its not about me not wanting to work. Its not about me being "lazy", as anyone who knows me will testify! ha! It really is about a higher calling on my life. It really is about being who you really need to be. Being the person you were born to be. Just as much as the woman who pursues a career to the enth degree. To be that lawayer. That doctor. That business owner. That photographer. That designer. Whatever it is. Whatever the calling on her life. That's what its about.

The freedom to be the person you know you were born to be.

Art Therapy?

I've often heard the term "art therapy" but not really taken much notice of it before now.  Never really explored it or given it much thought when I've heard the term used.  Until now.  These are just my thoughts tumbling onto this page.  Nothing I've researched.  It could all be utter rubbish.  However, I've noticed a change in me since I started the Gut Art workshop.  Every time I sit down to draw or paint, my mind becomes flooded with alsorts of memories, hurts, emotional mixed media.  Happy, sad, lonely, delighted, wistful, ecstatic, hopeful, dreamy, frustrated, alive, real, deep sadness, grief, and so it goes on.  Not every time.  Not every emotion.

I feel open and exposed somehow.  My humaness seems frail and fragile.  I've always wanted to paint.  I've always wanted to do something creative.  I've always loved being a homemaker and enjoyed making things.  Never really looked seriously at painting as a hobby though.  Too much to think about.  Too much when trying to raise 4 small children.  From babies to teenagers.  Now that's a huge undertaking.  You'd think after doing that, I could take on pretty much anything! ha!  And I believe I can.  My precious children are in their early twenties.  Flown the nest.  Now this mummy needs to find a way to fulfil those hopes and dreams of wanting to paint, sculpt and so much more.  And she is.

So why then, is it so difficult?  Is it this particular workshop?  Is it because we're exploring how to find our authentic voices?  My authentic voice.  What is my groove?  What is it that makes anything I create, "me"?  Trying to find me in my creations.  My style.  Its there somewhere?  And in all of that, somehow, ghosts and goblins are being exposed and exorcised out of my life.  I'm excited.  I know this is a good thing.  However, it's tough some days.  The tears just flow for no reason.  Some days I'm just staring at a "blank canvas".  Not knowing how to even start.  Where will it go?  And then there are pages of just paint.  Nothing more.  Layers of colours and texture.  No subject, no meaning, nothing but paint.  My paint.  My brush strokes.  My healing.

Is this art therapy?

Work & Play

Still can't find my camera.  Ugh!  I miss it so terribly.  Steve has dragged out his very old Fuji Finepix for me so I'm going to use that one for now.  We've bought a new card for it and just need some more batteries and then good to go.  Been busy working on new products for Christmas/Winter.  These will be available at my Daz store in November.

 And playing too. Still working on my art journal.  A journey to find my authentic voice with the help of Mystele's online art workshop, Gut Art.  I'm just learning so much and also going through so many emotions.  Art is healing.  There's no doubt.  Moving forwards and it feels so good.  Making connections and having lots of penny dropping moments.  Will sort out photos to upload once I've got the camera up and running!

Soul Stretching

"Not everything you do is going to be a masterpiece, but you get out there and you try and sometimes it really happens. The other times you’re just stretching your soul". Maya Angelou

I stumbled upon the above quote while doing some research for the online art workshop, Gut Art, I'm taking and it just spoke to me so loud and clear, I felt stunned for a minute.  I read it again and again.  Perfect for me just at this point in time.  Yay!  Creative freedom.  Lots of soul stretching.  That's all I'm wanting to do while moving towards the masterpiece!

An Artist at Heart

So today I've been working on my art journal for the "Gut Art" online workshop I'm taking. Only a couple of days into the workshop and I'm already learning things about myself and my creative expression.

As I was sorting out my various art supplies and organising what I would need, I realised that my water spray mister was broken. Now that might not seem a huge deal but for someone that uses a spray mister alot while working, it's a big deal. Sunday afternoon. Not many, if any shops open. I need a water mister. Can't do without one. I know it.

Improvise. There must be something in the house that can be used as a water mister. Looking around my bedroom, there it was. The absolute perfect water mister. Oh but the bottle was practically brand new and had produt still in it. A bottle of Elle McPherson Body Mist! Luxurious when getting out of the shower or bath! Hmm what can I put it in? Nothing. Couldn't find anything and so without thinking any more of it, I tipped the whole lot in the toilet!!

I cleaned out the bottle. Twice over. And there it was the perfect water mister. Yay! Definitely an artist at heart. When I was telling Steve, I told him it seems I'd rather have art supplies than be beautiful using beauty products... and his answer... awww so sweet... Apparently, I don't need beauty products. I'm beautiful just the way I am! hahaha!