Rambling Thoughts & Reflections

Ok, so I've been unwell this past week or so. Nothing major but enough to make me feel bleh and not want to do anything other than nurse an extremely sore throat, rasping cough. Oh and an interesting rash all over. I think it's a virus. Funny that the rash came out now as I'm feeling better. Hey ho!

So yeah. During this time feeling unwell, I've been thinking a lot about my website and efforts to create and sell digital scrapbooking products. Bascially, I don't want to do it anymore. I love the creative process. That's what I do but I can't sell. I'm too average. My work isn't unique enough to jump out and sell well. I'm not putting myself down. I've got good execution. Whatever I create, I create well. I'm good at what I do. I know how to push pixels and push them well. But I can't sell. It's a combination of that (not unique enough) and not being able to agressively market myself in an extraordinarily competitive marketplace.

And so I've made the decision to pull my website store. I'm going to leave the freebies in place and probably add to them as I do love the creative process. And I know there's a lot of women who are wanting to get into digital scrapbooking and have valued my freebies and tutorials. But I just don't have the heart for selling any more. And I'm sick of looking at my products and so I'm going to revamp the website and step to one side.

It's not just about digital scrapbooking. When I think about it, it's applicable to anything I've created over the past 10 yrs or so. It's definitely that I'm not a career woman. I'm not ambitious. I'm a simple housewife completely happy in my world of wanting to be just that - a housewife. To have a traditional role. I don't know why I'm not career minded or ambitious. I'm just not. I earn a living by creating digital art products with my husband and that's enough for me. I love to support him in any way that I can including working with him. I don't want to run my own store or business. I think that's why I love doing custom work more. It's very specific and works for me.

I love being creative. I'm happy just having my hobbies and selling the odd thing I create. It's not a big issue. I sat with my wonderful hubby yesterday and we had a long talk about it. I cried. Cried because I feel that I have somehow failed. That I should be more ambitious and want to be more successful. I'm fortunate enough the my husband is the main provider. He earns enough that I don't have to work. It's just that since my children left home and I have an empty nest, I somehow feel that I should now get all ambitious and be career minded. Get out there. Sell my skills. Be more aggressive and promote my store. I just can't. And that's that really. And so I need to just embrace who I am and know that it's enough.

I just want to get back to having an online presence of me and my art. Nothing major. Not a store. I feel that it's the right time now to do this. To stop trying to be something I'm not. To be true to myself and move forward. To create what's in my heart instead of what I think "everyone" wants to see. I've had a pretty rough few years and it's taken this past 2 yrs to really start to emotionally heal. I kept so much hidden. For so many years. So much emotional pain from my first marriage. And now I'm re-married and so very happy, I have to start looking towards the now and the future. Live in the moment. I know I'm truly blessed. And now I'm finally getting to a place of seeing the true "Diane". Me. The person God wants me to be. My own trueself.