Saturday, 16 August 2008

Home Again

Jiggity Jig. Yep. Got home ok after spending some time with my children and my ex's family as my ex-mum-in-law was taken very ill last weekend and is now on life support. Long story. She's stable at the moment but seriously ill. I spent a lot of the past few days just helping out where I could and just "being there" for my kids while they went to the hospital. I also looked after my granddaughter while her mum and dad could spend time with everyone and not worry too much about little one.

I'm emotionally drained and trying to process my own feelings about seeing my ex-mum-in-law so very ill. This woman was a part of my life for over 30 years. I loved her. She's my children's grandmother. And I've been thinking about all the times we've spent together. All the Christmas' she stayed with us. Her birthday celebrations. Sunday lunches.

But mainly I remember this one time when I was only 15 yrs old. I was supposed to be going to a school dance but I got my period and was really unwell. Lynda came round to my house (she lived next door) and sat on my bed talking to me and comforting me. For some reason, that's all I could think of when I was in that hospital room looking at her. So ill. Machines breathing for her. Machines working her major organs. Ugh!

So yeah. I've got to somehow process all my own feelings and emotions during this time. After I divorced her son, our relationship, understandably, took a huge nose dive. For whatever reason, she blamed me for the divorce even though she knew her son was transgendered and I'd told her I just couldn't live with a man that wanted to be a woman. I don't understand why she was so upset with me but I do understand that it's her son and blood certainly is thicker than water! That doesn't stop me from hurting though. It doesn't stop me from thinking about this woman who was so much part of my life for so long. It doesn't stop me from being so deeply sad that she's ill. And she's only 66yrs old.

I'm glad to be home with my husband now. Away from it all. For now anyway. Peace. Praying for peace for the whole family during this time. The kind of peace that transcends all understanding.

2 comments:

mystele said...

i'm glad you're back, and i commend you for going. that's HARD. i'll be praying as the Holy Spirit leads. take care!

Sue Nicholson said...

{{HUGS}}

Hope that you are coping with this difficult time.

Unfortunately, sometimes it's easier to blame someone else than try to understand OR we blame others so that we can absolve ourself.

Of course, we are each responsible for our own actions etc and so it's no-ones "fault" that your children's father made the choices that he did. I guess his mum handled this traumatic time by laying blame at your door.

I do hope that you are able to work this through. As you say she was a large part of your life and still is a big part of your children's. Fortunately your husnand is so caring and understanding.

Anyway, take care, be kind to yourself and work through it as needs be.

{{HUGS}} again . . . Sue