Sunday, 6 March 2011

Embracing Change

Life looks so different to me lately.  It's honestly almost unrecognisable.  I fought it for so long.  Change.  I used to scream with frustration, "I just want my life back".  So much has happened and continues to happen since my Dad died.  It isn't just that he died.  It's the chain reaction that has death caused.  I'm fascinated by it, somehow.  That so much can change just from the death of one person.

Of course, I'm still in the deep throes of grief.  That in itself is a big change in my life.  I see it every time I look in the mirror.  Grief is etched deeply into my face.  I know what it looks like.

Instead of fighting it, fighting the changes in my life, I decided to embrace them.  Grief is part of life.  It's not nice but it's there.  And you have to go through it.  So go through it I am.  I accept that my life has changed forever.  Through grief counselling, reading and other resources, I'm slowly embracing the changes.

Trying to live a balanced, imperfect but altoghether, authentic life.  Doing what I love to do.  Being there for my family, friends.  Saying "no" when I need to.  Being brave.  I don't say that lightly.  It sounds corny, I guess.  But it's not meant to be.  I'm not brave, normally.  It was about time that I made changes to my life anyway.  I just never had the courage.  I kept procrastinating.  Putting my dreams and goals on permanent hold.  That's why I had the same dreams and goals every New Year! ha!  I was scared of my own dreams.

The irony is that my Dad was my biggest fan (until I met and married Steve!).  Dad was always encouraging me to "do what you love to do".  Set up your own business.  Do whatever it is that you want to do.  You can ahcieve the impossible.  Dream big.  Imagine yourself in that life.  These were just some of Dad's mantras.  Some of what he would tell me.  I was still scared.  And yet, since his death, I found courage.  I've realised the importance of being authentic.  Dreaming big.  And embracing change.


Sarah said...

It seems like it is your Dad's lasting gift to you-giving you the strength to go through coping with your grief for him and having to carry on, so having to be strong. It is great that you can accept the fact that life has changed, yet still have the nerve to carry on. Well done you!
And I am glad you have teddies too!

Bernie said...

your dad sounds like my mum! Good for you! Do you realise how inspiring your blog is?!!!
Bernie x