Sunday, 20 September 2009

Rollercoaster of Emotions

So much in so little time.  I've hit every kind of emotion you can imagine in just a few days.  It was surreal.  It started off last Sunday with me feeling a little unwell.  Nothing major, just a few niggles.  In the middle of the night I suspected I had cystitis.  By Monday lunchtime I knew I had cystitis and hubby went to get some magic medicine from our friendly pharmicist.  Didn't work.  I'm getting worried.  I had a major school reunion to go to.  Not just any school reunion.  I went to a private boarding school and these people were like family to me from the ages of 14 - 16 yrs.  Important.  I needed to get well enough to go at the weekend.  I'd not seen most of them since 1980!

So yeah, medicine didn't work.  By Wednesday, I'm feeling so ill.  Doubled over in pain ill.  Crying ill. Temperature high and shivering ill.  Just plain rotten.  Steve took me to the medical centre and I found out I had a urinary tract infection which had just gone everywhere.  Zapped it with antibiotics.  After two days I was beginning to feel so much better but incredibly tired.  So tired.  Still tired.

Woke up Saturday and felt well enough to go to the reunion but big mistake.  After a couple of hours I was feeling so weak, tired and in pain.  My back especially was just so achy.  Like a horrible nagging dull ache feeling.  I had to go home.  I burst into tears... ugh!  I felt upset.  Relieved. Sad. Rejected.  Just a gamut of emotions coursing through me.

Somewhere in that week I also got news that one of my closest friends Dana aka Jaguarwoman, wanted to do an exclusive business arrangement with me whereby I create scrapbooking kits with her design resources.  This came about after she had suffered one copyright and filesharing violation after another.  Constantly.  Most of the culprits being in the digital scrapbook community.  And so she decided she wanted to create the kits herself.  Perfect opportunity for me.  I love designing the kits, she just wants to create the design resources and so put our heads together and hey presto! Yay!  I've always loved her work and she's been like a second mum to me over the past 10 yrs.  Wow!  What a privelege to be working with her as well.  It inspired me so much, I just started doodling in my sketch pad and came up with a load of product ideas.

Oh the absolute joy of just doodling... drawing..colouring...!  I know that's where my heart is.  Being creative in this way.  I love my computer and creating graphics in Photoshop but there's something very deep and meaningful when I create using more traditional tools.  It honestly feels my heart with joy.  Ok, I know that sounds so lame.  I don't really know how else to explain it.  It's frustrating sometimes too because I can't always translate from brain to paper.  I'm learning though.  Retraining my brain.  Trying to let go of my insecurities that tell me I can't draw and that I'm wasting my time.  That's it.  It's just come to me.  It's like being a child again.  The smell of the crayons and pencils.  That feeling of drawing and colouring on fresh paper.  Excited about the colours and shapes dancing in front of you!

And somewhere else in that week, my eldest son got mugged.  He's ok.  A bump on his face and bruised plus his iPhone stolen.  So stupid.  Wont be much use to the thugs that stole it as his phone service put a stop on it immediately and blah blah.  Its not about the phone being stolen.  I don't think these kids necessarily want to steal the phones.  It's about being violent and bullying.  Gang mentality.  Ugh!  Anyway, my son is safe and well and thats all that matters.  It could've been so much worse.

Somewhere else in this week I also signed up to do an online art course.  Well, it's more about learning to be happy in your own creative skin.  Learning to create in your own style.  I'm sure its going to further my hopes and dreams of being more proficient and free to be a creative soul without feeling the constraints of adulthood! ha!

This week, I want to rest.  I want to just be.  I want to draw and paint.  I want to clean the house and read my books.  But mainly I just want to be still.  No pain.  No excitement.  Just stillness and peace.  We'll see!

Photos soon.


mystele said...

sweet di, i've said before that we are miles away, never met in person, but you are dear to me. hang in there and look for Him in the midst of it all. He's there.

♥ mystele

Sarah said...

Hi Di,
I am so glad that there are some good things in your horrible week! I hope your son is ok. My brother got mugged a couple of months ago-it was quite a shock. It is so sad to think of people setting out to harm.
I hope your new enterprise goes well. I would love to do Mystele's class but at the moment cannot find time to do all the things I am trying to anyway! Have fun with it.
Sarah x

Boo said...

Hello Di, I thought I'd follow your blog as a way of keeping in touch with part of the DC family :-) So sorry to read just how ill you have been, and shocked to hear about your son. That must have terrified you :-( Take care, Boo xx (Margo)

Shalae said...

So sorry you had a rough week, and that is always hard to miss things like the class reunions. Especially when it's something you want to go to so badly. Hopefully you can still see people or have another in the future to look forward to. I'm glad your feeling better.

Thanks so much for your sweet comment on my blog. In fact the other day I thought I just need to talk to di, she'll make me feel better, she understands! Hopefully sometime I'll find that nice balance between painter because I really do love it, as the real pencil because I love it too. Someday! We do get the painter magazine here... it's a little expensive but has great stuff!

Hang in there and I look forward to seeing more of your creative endeavors! :)