Monday, 2 November 2009
I'm in a new season. I have been for a while now but fighting to stay in the old season. Only because I felt that's what I should be doing. I'm well aware that one of my character "flaws" is being a "people pleaser". I fear what other people will think. And as such, I know I've made some really silly choices over the years. Putting other people's opinions above my own. Thinking of how people will judge me and making decisions accordingly. Ugh! I think I was scared of the empty nest. People will be expecting me to go out to work now. Pursue a career, maybe?
I'm learning to not worry about what others think. That my choices in life are about me and my family. My absolute nearest and dearest. I know part of the problem for me is that I'm quite a sensitive and caring person. I do care what people think. I can be over sensitive about things for sure. Its time for me now to turn this all around and be balanced about it. Accept that its ok to want and desire being at home. Its ok that I'm not a career woman. That even with an empty nest now, I would still rather be a homemaker than pursuing a career.
I've worried that I was somehow "missing" something. That I didn't have any "get up and go". That I didn't have my father's business acumen. I tried. I thought I could do it but I couldn't. I remember a time when my first husband and I swapped "roles". I went out to work and he stayed home with the children. I was so unhappy. I tried to hide it and be "business like". Career minded. But no. I wanted to be home. It's a choice.
And I'm absolutely well aware of how blessed I am that I don't have to financially go out to work. Of course, that's a choice too. I could go out and make much more money for us. I get that. But I know it's not me. And its not about me not wanting to work. Its not about me being "lazy", as anyone who knows me will testify! ha! It really is about a higher calling on my life. It really is about being who you really need to be. Being the person you were born to be. Just as much as the woman who pursues a career to the enth degree. To be that lawayer. That doctor. That business owner. That photographer. That designer. Whatever it is. Whatever the calling on her life. That's what its about.
The freedom to be the person you know you were born to be.