Monday, 2 November 2009

Home Being Me


It's where I'm happiest. At home. Family. I'm slowly beginning to accept that it's ok to be like this. To be a homemaker. It's ok to love being home. Society tells me that I'm not busy enough. That I should be out working towards a career. Or working. Full stop. Society tells me that I don't have enough friends. More friends. More coffees and chats. Nope. I don't have that in my life and I'm happy. I'm happy being a wife and homemaker. I'm happy being mum to my kids. I'm happy being grandmother. There is no greater joy for me. It's really quite simple.

I'm in a new season. I have been for a while now but fighting to stay in the old season. Only because I felt that's what I should be doing. I'm well aware that one of my character "flaws" is being a "people pleaser". I fear what other people will think. And as such, I know I've made some really silly choices over the years. Putting other people's opinions above my own. Thinking of how people will judge me and making decisions accordingly. Ugh! I think I was scared of the empty nest. People will be expecting me to go out to work now. Pursue a career, maybe?

I'm learning to not worry about what others think. That my choices in life are about me and my family. My absolute nearest and dearest. I know part of the problem for me is that I'm quite a sensitive and caring person. I do care what people think. I can be over sensitive about things for sure. Its time for me now to turn this all around and be balanced about it. Accept that its ok to want and desire being at home. Its ok that I'm not a career woman. That even with an empty nest now, I would still rather be a homemaker than pursuing a career.

I've worried that I was somehow "missing" something. That I didn't have any "get up and go". That I didn't have my father's business acumen. I tried. I thought I could do it but I couldn't. I remember a time when my first husband and I swapped "roles". I went out to work and he stayed home with the children. I was so unhappy. I tried to hide it and be "business like". Career minded. But no. I wanted to be home. It's a choice.

And I'm absolutely well aware of how blessed I am that I don't have to financially go out to work. Of course, that's a choice too. I could go out and make much more money for us. I get that. But I know it's not me. And its not about me not wanting to work. Its not about me being "lazy", as anyone who knows me will testify! ha! It really is about a higher calling on my life. It really is about being who you really need to be. Being the person you were born to be. Just as much as the woman who pursues a career to the enth degree. To be that lawayer. That doctor. That business owner. That photographer. That designer. Whatever it is. Whatever the calling on her life. That's what its about.

The freedom to be the person you know you were born to be.

8 comments:

mystele said...

yes.

Deirdra Doan said...

Oh Dear...staying home is really the best....I never dreamed a woman would be pressured to do more...warm soup...pretty flowers on the table..time to be with your loved ones...the very very very BEST way to love.

Deirdra Doan said...

Oh and I think your little house is so cute!

Ursula said...

I'm with you and understand you on all accounts. You are not alone, I for one am just like you and desire the same life style. Some people call this "old-fashioned". Those people do not know me. LOL!

jj said...

You've made me realise a few things by reading this... but the main thing: how much like my Mummy I am!

Shalae said...

You are so right Diane.... It more important to be where you need to be at home being a mother and a grandmother than being out in the world making a name of ourselves. I'm so glad your coming to accept it, because in reality is really hard to do sometimes when the world screams so loudly. A mother is the most important thing in the world and you are doing a far greater good than you will ever realize.

*~Niki~* said...

Wow Diane, I could have written most of what you said too! People have always tried to get me to go out to work and ignore the calling on my life. They never believed me, I'm still pushing forward and like you fighting to be me and not let others stop me. xxx

Boo said...

You are doing the most important job of all actually, raising the adults of the future ... I wish more people took parenting to heart ... then the society that adds pressure to you, would actually be a better society.