I Want To. I Don't Want To.

I'm in one of those moods where I want to do specific things but I don't want to. I want to clean the flat. I am cleaning the flat but I don't want to. I hate it when I feel like this. I'm procrastinating. It's not good but I don't really know how to shift from it.

A bit here and a bit there. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. So very blue. It's beautiful. We're going for a nice long walk to the beach later when it's a bit cooler. I'm looking forward to that but I know if I don't clean the flat, I'll hate coming back home to it. Ugh! I can't be bothered and yet I know how great I'll feel once I've done everything.

There's a ton of things I want to do. A ton of things I'm looking forward to. I've got a blank canvas just sitting waiting for me to spill out my creativity onto it. I want to paint. I want to cut out paper and glue. I want to read my books. I want to watch some new dvds I recently bought. And yet I can't be bothered. I just want to sink into my big comfy chair and sit there staring into the garden. Procrastinating. A bad thing? I don't know. I kinda think procrastinating is a way of just sitting for a while thinking about what has to be done. Planning maybe? That's more positive than the negative side of the word.

I'm looking forward to my granddaughter coming to stay. Another reason I want a nice clean tidy flat. We're picking her up tomorrow and then Thursday I'm spending the day with my sister and her little girl who's just a few months older than Jorja. We're looking forward to our play date. The weather forecast is good and so we'll be able to play in the garden. Get the paddling pool out and some sand.

See? Lots of things to look forward to.

I think I'm also feeling a little down and like I can't be bothered because I'm on a really strict diet. I have to lose weight. For medical reasons. And I'm glad to be doing it. It's a good thing. It's a positive thing. I've already lost a lot and it feels good but I just want to be able to eat something I want to every now and then rather than continuously exercise self control. But hey, it's my own fault and so I need to reconcile myself with that issue.

Back to my comfy chair. Or maybe the cleaning.