Sunday, 16 November 2008

Without Fear

Following on from yesterday's post, I wanted to share some more thoughts. Inspired by some interesting art healing passages in a book I bought recently called "Taking Flight" by Kelly Rae Roberts, I came up with a list of things I'd do if I wasn't afraid. There's obviously so many other things I'd do but this is specifically in relation to my creative endeavours and my recent need to create. To draw and paint. To make things.

I don't know why, at this point in my life, that I have a such a strong desire to do create. Now of all times. In my middle age. I've been through an awful lot over the past years from seeing my brother being convicted of a crime he didn't commit, the break up of my 20 yr marriage after my husband told me he wanted to be a woman and then more recently my beloved Dad getting cancer.

Oh and I recently re-married after meeting the true love of my life (who happens to be a professional artist! Whoohoo!). Some of these intense emotions have triggered needs in me that were buried deep. Suffocated. Hidden. Healing is there. It's happening. Slowly. Freedom of my spirit and soul is coming. I can feel it.

I'm wondering if the need to be so creative has always been there. As a child, I watched both my parents create.
My father's an artist and loved sketching as well as painting with his oils. My mother used to make things for my dolls and Sindy. New home. Beds. Clothes. Anything. I loved sitting at the table with her making things. I can still smell the paints and glue. Mum's also a published poetess. It's there. I know it. My grandmother also played a huge part in my childhood and taught me how to knit and crochet and to cook. All so very creative and so lovingly taught.

And so onto my list of things I'd do if I wasn't afraid:

  • I'd draw and paint with abandon
  • draw and paint with no thought of the end result
  • I'd create for the sake of creating
  • for the creative process
  • I want to draw, paint and create without any thought that it won't be good enough
  • that I won't be accepted; that my art/creations won't be accepted (not sure by who or what!)
  • I'd draw, paint, create just because that's what I want to do at that particular time
  • I want to be able to create without any thoughts of whether or not it's "saleable"

I now need to move out those tent pegs and start creating without those fears. Today is the day. Now is the time. Slowly but surely I'll make inroads to making those creative dreams a reality. My heart's desire. I'm going to make the above list a list of goals.. dreams.. achievable.. workable..and without fear.


mystele said...

wow and wow. i'm so glad to know you at this time in my life, and i'm absolutely thrilled for you. age is of no account. this time of your particular life is pregnant with growth and freedom, and your story is not timed just for you. i don't think it is a coincidence that you are an encouragement to me at the time when i'm walking a similar path to finding freedom and intimacy with God through art.

God is a master weaver, and nothing is for naught. that's the loveliest part.

Ursula said...

Dear Diane,

I haven't left many comments (if any at all), but I've been reading your blogs all the time over the years. I need to write now. All those years since we first met on the net I felt that we and our lives are so similiar that it's scary. LOL! As you may remember, we're the same age, used to be in what we thought to be the perfect marriage and we also seem to have the same "issues". This latest entry of yours really showed me that we must be twins, separated at birth. LOL! When I vanished from the net in 2005 it was because I met someone, and everything I believed my life to be up to that point was suddenly a lie. I left my husband, got a divorce and married again in September 2007. :) Imagine my surprise when I got online again (in December 2007), visited your blog and read your (then) latest news. And now this entry. The list of your "issues" could have come from me *exactly* like you wrote it. You and me really seem to be so very much alike, to the point of scariness. LOL! After having written all of the above I really hope you do remember me, otherwise you'll probably think I'm some kind of internet weirdo. ROFL! Take care, Diane, enjoy your new life, I will try to do the same. :) Big hugs! Ursula

kslaughter said...

What a beautiful post---in all its joy and pain. Thanks so much for being transparent---it sounds like you are on the right path in your journey. I agree with Mystele---thank God we are all in this together!

Dani said...

What a wonderful post!

I don't think I've always been creative...PSP (around 96 or 97) was my first taste of what could be done on a computer and that's where most of my creativity goes. lots of love, Dani

Deirdra Doan said...

What a beautiful Post!!! And handsome husband....Blessings sweetie.
Where is your Doll???

Anonymous said...

You do look a beautiful couple and so very pleased you have found your soul mate.
I am married to an artist also, He is so encouraging and lovely.
I am so pleased you are together!