Sunday, 4 July 2010

Creative Business in the Making

Lately, my bedtime reading books are business topics.  This is a fairly new thing for me and I find it ironic that I can't phone my Dad and tell him about my latest read.  He would be so delighted and happy to discuss what I'm reading.  What I'm creating.  What accountant I'm using.  It's strange somehow that I've had my epiphany moment now.  Why now?  Was his death somehow a kick up the backside for me?  I'm doing what he always told me I could do but I never believed I could.

My own fears of failing and lack of self-confidence got in my way.  Time and again.  I've tried this before.  I've always know this is me.  I've always known what's been in my heart.  I've heard the whispers and I've had the inspirations.  But I would always find a reason not to "go for it".  Everything from my kids were too little.  My kids are teenagers.  I'm going through a divorce.  I'm moving house.  My life is complicated.  Everything.  Every excuse under the sun.  I was scared.  I admit it.  Failing was the biggest fear that crippled me from starting in earnest and soldiering on.
I don't know why now.  It might be related to losing my Dad.  I honest don't know.  What I do know is how different it feels.  How driven I am.  There is a complete feeling of  joy and pleasure  in setting up the business.  Creating the website.  Product development.  Working on marketing strategies.  I love it!  I've always loved the creative side of what I do.  The designing.  The creating the art.  Making pretty papers.  Creating stunning digital art.  I get that.  But creating a business?  Doing accounts?  Keeping reciepts?  Marketing?  Nope.   Somehow though I've completely embraced all of it.  And its truly exciting and is "so me".  I feel like I've found my vocation.  It suddenly makes sense.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared.  I still have moments of when I think "Who do you think you are?  Why would anyone be interested in your work?  Why would anyone buy anything from you?  What makes you think you can design?  What makes you think you're an artist?"  Ugh!!  It's ok though.  I know I'm a good artist and designer.
I know that I've had a good foundation through education and also through my parents.  As well as a successful business man, my Dad was an accomplished artist.  Mum is also a creative soul.  I'm sure I've mentioned many times on my blog how I was the luckiest little girl as my Mum made lots of wonderful furniture and clothes and accessories for my Sindy doll.  In true Blue Peter styles.  Mum is also a beautiful poet and published.  It's in the genes.  That fact alone gives me a boost when I run up against one of my fears or a sudden knock down of self confidence.
I know this birthing stage is hard.  Early days.  Tiring.  Painful.  But oh so exciting.  A creative business in the making.


Sarah said...

Hi Di,
It is interesting to read of your process in getting your business going really well. Making excuses is the easiest thing in the world I think but actually going ahead despite doubts is hard and courageous. Whether it is because your Dad is gone or not I wouldn't like to say, but it is like you are honouring his memory with this hard work you are doing. I wish you lots of luck with it all-keep reading those books!

Emm said...

Wow! I hope your business goes very well. I wish you well! Love those designs!

Bernie said...

hi Di!!!
Thans for your comments on my blog! I saw them and thought to myself 'who's Di?!' LOL! Then I came here, and honestly girlie, you're an utter inspiration! It's great reading about your journey - now is obviously just the right time for you! I harbour yearnings to become a designer, but the time's not right for me atm...and I need to learn how to do it all first, LOL!!! So you keep going and I wish you all the luck and success in the world!!
Bernie x

Lynda Howells said...

good is hard to "I am a good artist" isn't it? even when we really know we arexxlynda

Sarah said...

Hi Di,
Thanks for that! I am glad it is not just me! I could spend hours on it playing around!