The end of another month. Only two months left of 2010. I'm feeling reflective about this past year and hopeful for the new year coming up. With hope in my heart, ideas in my head and a newness of spirit, I've even bought a wall calendar and desk diary for 2011. I'm usually reflective like this at the beginning of January. I wonder if I'm trying to get this year over and done with? I don't want to really. More than ever before, I want every moment of my life to count. Each day means something. Each day has substance and beauty for me. I have to hold on to that. Even in the midst of the grief, sadness, frustrations and sometimes anger, I find moments of beauty. It may literally just be a moment, but it's there in that particular day.
As I continue to struggle with my creative block particularly in regards to my work, I made a small breakthrough a couple of days ago. It was very late Thursday night and a close friend of mine challenged me in such a way that I felt upset and angry and reduced to tears. I sensed her frustration with me at not just "getting on with it". Strangely though it had the required effect. Although I lay on my bed and sobbed my heart out, within a couple of hours I was in front of my computer creating. The tears were long and hard. I sobbed and sobbed. It was more than the frustration of having a creative block. Steve came and laid with me and we talked and talked. I was exhausted afterwards but I felt the immense breakthrough.
It has worked. I'm making tentative improvements and moving forward. Slow but sure. Again. It's healing actually.